Down with Resolutions!Your Health by Shirley Learthart Question: How many of us make New Year Answer: Most of us, figures reckon about 61% of adults. Question: How many of us keep our New Year resolutions? Answer: Very few. About 5-15% are seen through to completion. So, if that’s the case, perhaps we should make a resolution not to improve our health in 2008; if the figures are right, then we’ll be a lot healthier by this time next year! So, for starters, let’s go out to buy loads of cigarettes in the January sales. Make sure you take the car to the shops and park as close to the shops as possible - we don’t want any healthy exercise or we’ll break our resolution straight away. While you’re at the shops remember to buy plenty of food which is high in saturated fats, salt and additives and ask the staff to pack those bags for you - we don’t want ANY of that dreaded word called exercise! While driving home don’t forget to get stressed out at all those other idiotic drivers on the road and the traffic lights which turn red whenever they see you coming. Stress is one of the easiest ways to keep your New Year resolution. When you arrive home ensure you unpack those shopping bags very slowly to ensure you don’t need to breath deeper or feel your heart pounding slightly - that might improve your lungs and strengthen your heart - new year resolution broken immediately. After you’ve devoured the food and have that sleepy bloated feeling, you can then start your evening exercise regime with the TV remote control button. Make sure you don’t always use the same finger, we don’t want any of those fingers benefiting from that unspeakable word beginning with “e”. Forget any form of comedy on the TV as laughter and humour will decrease all those stress hormones. On the hand, perhaps we should just throw those New Year resolutions in the recycling bin and have a Happy and Healthy New Year! For more preventative health information, |
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